By
Orbson Rice
Late last night, the mysterious group of hackers known as Anonymous
successfully hacked the main database for the Internal Revenue Service.
The group appeared to have a singular target- Republican Presidential
nominee Mitt Romney. Romney has been criticized by both parties for his
failure to produce more than one past tax return. According to Ann
Romney on
ABC’s “Good Morning America”
they had no intention of ever disclosing the contents on those returns:
“We’ve given all you people need to know and understand about our
financial situation and how we live our life”. Anonymous however, seems
to have thought that we “the people” might want to know a little more
about the man who seeks the White House.
The Anonymous attack successfully retrieved 25-years worth of
Romney’s tax returns and published them without permission on major
websites throughout the Internet. The majority of these websites removed
the returns within minutes, however it was too late to completely
protect the candidate’s already tainted image. We at Free Wood Post were
able to examine Romney’s 2008 tax return and found that he had good
reason to fear its release. The 2008 return paints a picture of an
extraordinarily wealthy man, whose low tax rate and bizarre itemized
deductions will surely raise many questions as to his suitability to be
President.
Romney campaign spokeswoman
Andrea Saul stated
last week that “there has been no year in which Romney paid zero
taxes”. In 2008, this was true. He earned $23,425,316 and paid $412.18
in federal income taxes. This calculates to a federal tax rate of
0.0018%. How did Romney get his tax burden so low? According to his
return, he had approximately $23,407,000 in itemized deductions. These
deductions ranged from $78,923 for “Toupee Creators Unlimited” and
$41,826 for “Spray-on tan services” to a $3.8 million dollar write-off
for a trip to Las Vegas with potential campaign donors. The Romney
family also paid salaries to their numerous employees including, two
yacht captains, three pilots for their private jets, two professional
dog walkers, one toupee stylist and a “live-in contortionist”. What
someone does with a live-in contortionist, one can only speculate.
However, the $891,064 Romney spent on an “EWS Donor Party at the
Pennsylvania Mansion” might give us a clue. While the return does not
indicate what “EWS” stands for, given that the deducted supplies for the
party included “Venetian masks, alcohol, lubricant and various Egyptian
leather accessories” it was most likely an “
Eyes Wide Shut” party.
In addition to his wild nights, Romney also deducted health related
expenses. These included $127,000 for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for a
condition termed “Pseudologia fantastica” also known as Compulsive Liar
Syndrome. This may explain why the Republican nominee’s views seem to
change dramatically depending on his audience. In fact, his recent
string of political gaffes may be the direct result of his inability to
keep up with the many competing “truths” he has spoken over the past
year. According to noted Psychiatrist
Bryan King,
“Pathological liars seem utterly sincere about their lies, but if
confronted with facts to the contrary, will often just as sincerely
reverse their story.” According to Politifact, a news organization that
researches
the veracity of politician’s statements, only 16% of Romney’s examined statements were found to be completely true.
While the 2008 tax return only gives us a brief glimpse into the life
of Mitt Romney, it is unlikely that the other 24 years would have given
us his complete financial picture. Given that Romney has several
secret tax havens in
the Cayman Islands, Bermuda and until recently Switzerland, we will
likely never know the extent of his holdings or of the other unorthodox
appetites he quenches with that money. However, the Anonymous hack did
succeed in giving Americans a better understanding of the Republican
candidate.
Check out more from Orbson Rice:
Romney: New Yahoo! CEO “Mayer belongs at home with her baby not running a company”
Romney: “I am a Proud Member of the National Association for the Advancement of White Men”
The Walking Red: The Truth About Florida’s “Zombie” Attack
Orbson Rice is a deeply disturbed professional Writer and Editor. He is also the “Creator” of the blog “The Orbson Oracle”
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